“Before I Turned Four, I Was Already Performing”
Mar 03, 2026
And it shaped what I expected from love
I keep this childhood photo in my office —not because it’s sentimental, but because it reminds me how early the brain learns a survival strategy
At that time, I was not yet four years old. By then, I had already learned something important: When I rode those little amusement rides during family trips, I didn’t have to share my parents’ attention with my siblings.
My mother would say to relatives, “This is Saemi’s favorite.” She knew what I liked. I felt special. Chosen. Understood.
So I responded with smiles and giggles expressing joy. The ride was fun, yes. But I was also enjoying their attention.
And without knowing it, my brain fired, connected, formed a neural pathway—and recorded an equation:
- When I appear joyful and happy, my parents soften.
- When they soften, they indulge me.
- When they indulge me, I feel valued.
- When I feel valued, I feel safe—because to me, that meant I was loved.
A circuit formed. And because it worked, I used it—again and again.
This wasn’t manipulation in an adult sense. It was a Child Mind securing love the only way it knew how.
Before age seven, the brain installs these strategies to form filters rapidly. They become the lens through which we later interpret relationships, worth, and security.
Four decades later, the world no longer responded in ways that confirmed that early equation, the Child Mind panicked and collapsed inward. Not because I was broken — but because the filter was outdated.
That realization led me into Breathwork and Fractal Psychology — deepening the understanding about my ingrained patterns and internal architecture.
Many of the emotional reactions we experience today are not about the present moment. They are echoes of early neural circuits still running — a default mode installed before we had language, logic, or choice.
When that default mode remains unexamined, it silently governs perception, behavior, and expectation. But a default mode is not our destiny. It is simply the setting the brain learned but never been updated.
And those outdated neural circuits can be rewired.
Rewiring forward,
Saemi
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